Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
