I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
