Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
