I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
