Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
