is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
