you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
