It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
