so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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