I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
