problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
