Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
