Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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