wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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