Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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