dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
