What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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