So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
