the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im six kinds of drunk right now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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