I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
