Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
