Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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