she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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