I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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