My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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