somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
