so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
