i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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