I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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