Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
