she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
