ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
