Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize