Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
