She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
