Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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