Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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