I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
