dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
