she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
