I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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