Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
