I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
