So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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