i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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