508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
