Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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