so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
