I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
