Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
