If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
