I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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