3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
40s are totally the cure
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
