i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
