I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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