I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
