I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
