I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is classic penis vs brain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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