I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is wine microwaveable?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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