He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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