I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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