you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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