We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
