Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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