dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
