My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
