It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
