dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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