im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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