how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I deserve this hangover.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
