great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
