In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to get me chipped asap
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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